Mrs.or missing..

Marriage , the process of becoming misses for girls, does it mean missing or losing your previous self  or finding a missed part (of your identity ) or something else>

My latest watch Mrs. is a set example  of conditioning, identity , role modelling.  gender roles and stereotypes and the trap that comes for some in garb of marriage and child care.

Though the movie is hard hitting and portrays the patriarchy and misogyny that exists in Indian households irrespective of class or caste . It still left me wondering , what actually went wrong in the life of the protganists .. and who is it to decide who is at fault here.

The main lead, Richa played by Sanya Malhotra.. who is a passionate dancer marries into well educated family of male doctors only to find that she will be forever trapped in the house in the garb of serving fresh hot meals three times a day , dusting, laundry etc. Initially she tries to fit into the mould doing the chores and giving into husband’s sexual needs every night.  However,   with continuous   gaslighting when she expresses her need to work or objects to mechanical sex by the husband,  she breaks down in the end by  manically running away from the house.  None of this changes the boy or his family.

The boy eventually ends up remarrying a homely girl  who  is happily serving him and his father hot ‘phulkas’ and we see Richa gracefully dancing on the stage and getting her identity back as a dancer..  How the movie ends should have actually been the beginning if both sides communicated clearly their specific roles before marriage ..  . In the excitement of marriage we often forget to discuss career goals , family dynamics, relationship goals, conflict resolution method and , sexual expectations. In my own case.. when I was meeting boys for matrimony purpose . My mother would caution me …”don’t ask too many questions.. shaadi  ke baad sab adjustments ho jaati hain”.  But what if those adjustments don’t happen? How will kundli matching come for a rescue at that time.

I firmly believe premarital counselling can help couples get ahead of issues brewing before the surface. In the presence of an expert therapist couples can  learn to communicate more effectively and openly 

• Build conflict resolution skills 

• Establish shared goals

• Explore finances

• Address intimacy

• Navigate family dynamics and so on…

See, marriage is a work in progress and it’s a life long commitment . So I believe when couples do some groundwork together premarriage they set a tone for a fulfilling companionship  with their individualities intact and respected  . So that no Mr. or Mrs. go missing after marriage.